Navigating Through the Teenage Years: A Primer for Parents

The teen years present a challenge for both young adults and their parents. Teens face a myriad of influences and decisions, along with the ups and downs in mood that come from rapidly changing hormones. Parents find themselves faced with a suddenly different child, who balks at previously accepted rules and sometimes doesn’t even seem to like their parents anymore.

How do you get through? Keep a sense of proportion. Be alert for problems but accept that many of the challenges you are both facing are perfectly normal. Try to differentiate important issues from things that really don’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things. Recognize that one day you will look back and wonder why issues like hair-cuts and wardrobe could ever have seemed so important!

Tips and Tools You Can Use

Understand that the teen years can be the cause of genuine worries, given that some teens simply can't withstand the peer pressure or handle the stresses. Pay close attention to issues that could be of real importance and ease off on trivial annoyances. Here are some tips to help you get through these years:

Significant challenges for teens can include:

Peer pressure
Hormonal changes
Academic pressure
Family conflicts
The struggle for independence

Common concerns for parents include:

Worries around teens’ ability to deal with pressures around alcohol or drugs
The fear of young people driving while impaired, resulting in tragic accidents
Issues around attendance and performance of teens at school
The possibility of severe depression and teenage suicide

Positive Parenting Strategies

Make quality time for you and your teen, out of the way of the distractions of siblings, chores or work

Be the grown-up and listen; put aside your own ego and expectations

Refrain from judging, accusing or applying labels

Praise efforts, not just accomplishments

Model your beliefs and values—ensuring your teen observes responsible behavior teaches more effectively than lecturing or cajoling

Respect your teen’s privacy, but be aware of what’s going on (diaries are off limits, but if something your teen is doing worries you, speak up!)

Allow your teen opportunities to figure out some things for himself or herself

Set limits, which teach teens the connections between behavior and consequences

Take a deep breath and have faith in yourself and your children!

Survival Checklist for Parents

Be a good role model
Keep your sense of humor
Respect your teen’s privacy
Work with your teen to develop and sign contracts for clearer goal expectations
Reward positive behavior
Reward for help with some family tasks
Set limits without controlling

Positive Coping Techniques

Peers have a great influence on your teen, so be open to meeting friends and encourage fun, normal, safe activities
Be available to talk but avoid making judgments
Let your teen stumble a few times when trying out new wings, but be there when he or she falls
Teach responsible behavior to rectify mistakes. Be generous with praise when you approve

When to Seek Help

If your child exhibits any of the signs below, consider seeking professional counselling:

Prolonged depression
Continual negative statements
Excess anger
Talks about suicide
Physical or emotional abuse
A drastic change in personality, appetite or friends
Loss of interest in school
Drastic deterioration in attitude
Quick action should be taken if you fear drug or alcohol abuse or suicide
If your teen resists help, you may want to set up an appointment with a counselling professional

The teenage years are difficult for many people—but we’ve all been through them, and know that we learned a lot during our adolescence, and that our children will, too. The teen years don’t last forever, so savor the experience of your child reaching toward adulthood, and do all you can to maintain good, open communication with your teenaged son or daughter. Having a genuine desire to connect with your teen is the most meaningful, important step you can take. As best you’re able, find points of connection, and build on them.

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Navigating Through the Teenage Years: A Primer for Parents

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