Managing Conflict at Work

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1. Attempt to understand the difficult behavior. Perhaps the difficult person behaves the way they do because they feel insecure, out of control, anxious or powerless. Exploding, yelling, not speaking and manipulating are some of the ways people have learned to deal with unpleasant feelings or situations. 
   
   Ask yourself what might be motivating this person's behavior. This can help clarify their needs and vulnerabilities. Although these people can be a challenge to deal with, they generally do have other redeeming qualities.


2. Learn to cope with difficult styles. Identify strategies that will change the nature of the interaction between the two of you. Some general strategies that might be used are:
   
   • Listening and acknowledging what the person is saying
   • Letting the person vent their frustration
   • Stating your opinions clearly
   • Focusing on problem-solving

   One way to learn about coping techniques is to observe others who have successful interactions with the individual. For example, you're uncomfortable and impatient with a co-worker because he explodes every time you ask him for assistance. Yet you see a colleague dealing effectively with the same person. By observing their interaction, you can identify and use the positive coping strategies that work for your colleague.

3. Practice! Practice! Practice! Once the coping strategy has been identified, the next step is to implement it. This requires both practicing the skill and choosing the right time to apply it. It may sound unnatural, but trying out different phrases and hearing yourself say them to the person will allow the behavior to become more ingrained and automatic.
   For example, this might mean practicing saying, "Yes, I understand that this is another job you don't have time for, but the quicker we can get this project off our plates together, the better. What do you need from me to help you get this done?"
   
   This type of role-playing increases the likelihood of a successful outcome. This means testing your new strategy at every opportunity just so you can become better at responding. Choosing the right time to try out the skill is important. You'll want a situation that allows privacy and sufficient time to discuss the issue.